As many people, my taste for music began to become more accurate during my teenage years. For some it's Grunge, others it is Emo, to me it was the Metal! Other classmates lent me their cd's(yeah I'm that young xD) All the classics Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, You name it. For me, I'm not saying this for everybody into a sub-genre of rock, or rock in general, life used to be a moving hipocrisy. So, I saw corruption at home from the part of my father, corruption in the local Catholic church, corruption in school, by both Protestant and Catholic students. And I am not making excuses here, there was a total nut that were an atheist, but he was like the nut job of the school.
Anyways, my thing with metal grew up. After I graduated from high school, had some jobs, I just wasn't interest in vain people! Like going to places that I didn't like, attending to parties, or going to night clubs in general wasn't my thing, so I was at home most of the times. Until I found places where they played live Heavy Metal music with both cover and original songs.
As time moved on, I began to see that, at least in Heavy Metal(and at least in my place), people usually ignore you during these musical events if your hands are empty(meaning you are not carring a bottle of beer). And believe me, they could be with their heads way high on the clouds, they magically would notice if your beer became flat somehow. I, in the very begin, was sober, avoiding all kinds of drinks.
My friends at that time convinced me to slowy allow myself to drink, in their words "to enjoy more life". Even now years later, alcohol to me is weird and tastes bad. I managed to quit long ago, but that is a story for another page(I promise to post here, somewhere!) When I realized I was drinking regularly among other people who also enjoyed Metal. And the thing is, most of the times I didn't have a dime in my pockets, they somehow paid it all, and sometimes for hours!
And my social circle began to rise, both in presence and social media, to a point that in 2010 I had more than 2000 people in my social circles! The more I was going to the shows, the more I realized that I really enjoyed the music, the joi of people singing and sometimes making their small dances together (Oh they call it mosh pit xD ).
But the alcohol part was draining me. It wasn't uncommon to (thanks the influence of some "friends") to stay awake until morning just drinking. I never liked it, but I had to pretend. And that my friend, was the prelude of my first break through: I was struggling to fit in a place I just had outgrown. I mean, there are nice people out there, some of them I could even meet again and have a nice chat sometime =)
Social circles fed by Alcohol, sometimes create a social structure to keep you stuck in a loop always drinking. In my case, my so called friends would send some potential romantic interest of mine here and there, to seduce me back into drinking alcohol again. Until I decided to overcome alcohol no matter what or who I would left behind. No matter what friendships I'd had to brake, places, situations I'd had to give up too.
It is my life, my living body, the gift that the Creator of the Universe gave to me to experience this 3D life in all its glory, whether it is by the shadow or the light. And rightly so, I did. I sad no in front of the mirror until the desire to drink had gone away. I was still attending to the shows, but, didn't mind if people would look with weird faces to me anymore. Sometimes I even went there with dress shoes on, just to play dumb =D
And when I went to the shows been totally sober, I realized that most of the people I met, like 90% of them, had some sort of veeeeeeeery negative mindset. I realized at that point that it was the alcohol that made them bearable! OMG! It is not funny people, imagine 90% of your social circle(not work, not school, not family members), the people that should be the cool guys, that think and act like you all of the sudden are not intelectually attractive to you anymore! I realized some of them were atheist(not that much as mainstream media tried to imply many times), and again, there were many Catholic and Protestant too, among a few "spiritualist" folks(1% or less).
I felt it was highschool all over again! This time the people were like too much dark, too much negative, there was no way to convince them otherwise, and even during that period(in which now I see I wasn't so aware of it yet), they would drag me down with their negativity if I didn't watch for myself enough.
What I did? I guess you know. I stopped going to the shows. But was listening to the music at home, or, in public with my cellphone and headphones on.
During that new phase of me, still listening to Heavy Metal, looking for more positive mindsets, motivation and even new purposes in life, I realized that even a good portion of the people around, not into any rock genres per-se, usually had a negative mindset of some sort. I began to make more exercises, get really clean, no drinks at all, very rarely drinking soda, but preferably water whenever was possible.
I felt I was at a crossroads. It was either go back(which I would avoid at all costs) or move somewhere completely new. A new territory for me, but what, where?
I was lost and decided to try the religion of some ancestors, the Catholic church. I went a few months, during the wednesdays. It didn't take long before I realize that I was having more nightmares than the time I just went to the Heavy Metal shows.
Then, some people suggested to go to a person they used to see as a local healer. I went there and the person gave me some advice. Problem is, it just reduced, but didn't get it of nigthmares. So I kept going there, not realizing that it is a game of its own.
In time they told me the truth. In the days I would go there it was a leader of the place. In other days of the week, usually Saturday, it was a ceremony know as Umbanda. It was (in their words) "a blend of African and Brazilian rituals" I had a bad feeling since the beginning, but was gaslit into thinking it was because I was "obsessed", almost possessed by bad spirits(according to them)
During that time internet was about vanity, ego clashing against ego, so the most you would see about spirituality usually would surround about it(Umbanda or spell makers), as if these were the ultimate spiritual problem erradicators.
I began to realize they were not so different from the Catholic folks when it comes to corruption, untreated emotional wounds, and erratic material desires, such as lust and hungry. It was bad, and now being harassed by embodied spirits telling me things I knew deep in my core were not good(not even real). The positive side is, as they opened these portals, I sneakly began to push myself away from them and attract to me what was good, instead of what they wanted me to do. So from time to time, I deceived these entities(yes somehow, maybe they were not all that light in the end of the day) away and said "no jose" (before the plandemic was the term that we now use as "not today Satan").
And I pissed them to a point (meaning that I would stood my ground towards what my moral compass told me was actually good and pure), that, to avoid me interfering in the plans of these spirits and their physical apprentices on Earth, they managed to send me an online job in which I'd spend around 12 hours a day, so I could not tell the truths I learned, in order to awaken the other people, victims of their manipulation.
At this rate, I was living with my parents again, working as a game developer almost 12 hours a day, and EVERYBODY at my home had a serious issue. My old man had to take black label pills, but since teenage he skiped it. As a result, he pretended to be a good guy outside home, but became a real pain in the neck for everybody at home. My mother was a teacher in a local high school, and was constantly bullied by my father, he even refused to give her a ride to her job many times, making her going by bus unnecessarily. My brother was taking double load, being a literal slave of the "spiritualist" place I mentioned earlier, and also, being bullied at home for being unemployed at that time
My father passed away, many things changed, LOADS of people showed their true colors, and what about the good ol' Heavy Metal?
Well, that is the good part! Heavy Metal is art! It is not a person, so it cannot commit a crime against you! The difference now is, I listen when I want, not because I NEED, but when and how much and how long I want, without the need to give explanation for anyone!
Sometime I stay weeks, or even months without listening to Heavy Metal, and all of sudden I listen to it almost to a week!
So I decided to embrace or do the following: Listen to it. After all, Heavy Metal is part of me, helped to highlight my shadow and my light. I also listen to many other styles I find over the internet. But in a more detached way. Actually, I even applied it to Heavy Metal. Detachment. I did what no "spiritual" or "religion" told me to do. Which is: Put myself in the first place!
Of course, sometime ago I've found non-dogmatic ways to embody a more balanced life, meaning no false light of certain spiritual believes, nor the tight hurtful dilema of certain religions, specially from some Christian ones.
I discovered after a long time, a long path of pain, that Reiki reduces your pain, both spiritual, mental and physical, but; requires you to also make a very intense inner change. Same applies to the REAL TAROT(Waite Rider) when applied with the 7 Laws of the Hermetic Knowledge, and a person that actually KNOWS how to access the AKASHIC RECORDS. So they will help you make your adjustments, mend the mistakes and release the negative emotions of your ancestors. But you also need outlets! Both emotional and physical!
For the emotional, art! And what better art to release tension, pain, stress, (centuries of not expressed hatred and anger) than Heavy Metal? Sure, you could do it with what suits more, if its more around grunge or emo, or maybe not related to rock at all. Pop Maybe? (Just not Lady Gaga, kidding again xD)
What about the physical outlet? From simple things like Jumping Jacks and running, to more advanced ones, such as:
Yoga - Great to release stored pain in Chest and Hips
Kung Fu/Karate - Specially for man or anyone who identifies as males, to release great deals of RAGE,and STRESS in general.
Qi Gong - Ancient sweet cream from Wise Old Times of Amazing China, smooth for all body, with breathwork and other good resources.
Moral of story: Give a hug on your teen-self, because the dude/dudette(sorry I don't know a smart LGBT slang for it =/ ) did a major job for you, without you ever realizing it! Teenage self is amazing, expressed emotions, refused to step down for conformity, whether they were political, religion, ill society rules attached to negative mindsets. You won. And the way society around shame us for listening to our music, is to tell us it is tacky!
Well, be tacky if need be, but breath, smile in front of the mirror, love your self, because, I never saw this whole phrase comminig out from a religious or false light leader. So do for yourself, no matter if your 45, 50, 60 years young. Rebel up again that sweet a*s of yours, f*ck the system in the name of the Real Creator, and live!
We came here to live well, be happy, but sometimes this planet reminds us how it can be a very shadowy realm, so listen to heavy music too.
And, if you read until now, do yourself a favor, and peacefully, break ties with jobs, friendships and even if need with your romantic interest, if they make you fit in a small box, a small situation, place or group that spiritually, mentally or emotionally you've outgrown.
You do you from now on =) And rock on! (If you are into it!)
I am more active on Tiktok, currently under the name of Claude The Lion
Well that sums it up! Hope to see your comments somewhere!